She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
