It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Green mimosas i think yes
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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