She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
