Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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