you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
