i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
