whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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