i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we're making bets on your personal life
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
