I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize