it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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