I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Someone came in the potted fern
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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