I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
