i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
