omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
