Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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