alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
