I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
