ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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