He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
