I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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