So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
