Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
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the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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