You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
