remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
