Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
