You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
