I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
