dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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