I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
