If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
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I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
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I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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