Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
