Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
