Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
