shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Someone came in the potted fern
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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