I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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