i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it's like heaven, but drunker
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
