dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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