I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
