brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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