Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm bleeding and have questions
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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