I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
