I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
