and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I didn't notice because vodka
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
