Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
