there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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