and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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