Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
