would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I AM VODKA MAN
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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