Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
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I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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