She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
