the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
