hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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