Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
