I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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