maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
