just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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