I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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