hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
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