2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
