You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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