i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
