Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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