at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is Oprah even human
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
