I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
