I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
