Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
