here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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