So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
