somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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