My boss' voice literally gives me gas
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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