im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
